Fantasy Football – Week One:

I should have seen the writing on the wall at the draft. This year we have a new Commissioner and while he is smart guy, he is also very busy after graduating college, getting a full time job and moving into his first apartment with his girlfriend.

Each team was supposed to have 10 player and only 2 of them were bench players. You can image everyone’s surprise when the draft lasted longer than Carmen Electra's marriage to Dennis Rodman. Somehow we were now drafting 15 players and 6 of them were bench players. People were auto drafting at the end because they just had to move on with their lives. I was committed to the end and managed to pick up New England’s locker-room attendant Jim McNally and equipment assistant John Jastremski but I have to wait until they are reinstated.

The Fickle Hand of Fate:

So I am feeling pretty good about my team this week. I am projected to get 124 points to my opponents 112. Around 4pm I am confident that victory is near. After all, I have Peyton Manning at home against my Baltimore Ravens plus a WR and a RB playing the late afternoon games.

And then the fickle hand of fate smacked me right in the face.

Peyton Manning scored 1 point while Denver’s kicker (sorry I don’t know his name) scores 17 points. Hell, the only QB worse than Manning was Flacco. Not only did his team lose but he had minus 2 points (yes Flacco is on my bench). To add insult to injury Tom Brady got 33 points. I would say that Tom cheated but he was playing the Steelers.

That is ok because like I said before, I still have a WR and a RB playing… That’s when I noticed they were both from New Orleans. Ingram wasn’t too bad but Colston has hands like a snake and Drew Brees throws like my brother the day after he had rotator cuff surgery.

YET I STILL HAD HOPE – I still had the NY Giants Rashad Jennings and Dallas’s Dez Bryant, surely they would bring honor back to my family name. Jennings did alright but Dez only had 48 receiving yards before he final broke his foot in the 4th quarter. Of course I am now without a premier WR for 6 weeks.

So I am going back to the waiver wire. Who would have guessed that the janitor from Cleveland and the parking lot attendant from San Francisco were still available?

But don’t feel too bad for me, my brother and Tin Man are done too. Dan and Rock are on life support and Jake still has some hope.

On second thought you should feel bad for me, I lost to this guy